含蓄的暴露狂

  儿时从学校回家的路上会经过铁路,偶尔无事时也会与隔壁家的女孩一起去铁路上玩,采桑喂蚕,或拿一分钱硬币放在铁轨上,待火车经过后再去捡已经压成一薄片的钱币。某次见到一个穿着军大衣的男人,径直走到我们面前,拉开衣服,里面什么也没穿。彼时我们不过八九岁,当场呆住,然后一路狂奔出去大马路上,相视狂笑,笑完后她疑惑地问:“好像和小豪的不太一样。”小豪是她表弟,彼时才一两岁,而我只顾跑路,看都没看清,讨论无法继续下去只好不了了之。

  再后来,遇见的暴露狂越来越多,状态也是千奇百怪,有骑车骑着骑着到你旁边拉开衣服的,也有站在马路中间一丝不挂的。再后来到了NZ,这种事越发见怪不怪了。还在Dunedin时,某天下午天气很热,开车经过Dundas St时看见一群人,有男有女,其中一个男人很高兴的光着身子往前走,走里拿着一条内裤甩来甩去;每年裸体节时,上课时常常会有人当成几百学生的面,成群结队赤身裸体的从大型阶梯教室左边的门跑进来,经过正在讲课的老师身边,再从右边门跑出去;在Auckland时甚至有人开着拖车载着裸男裸女,在最繁忙的下班高峰时间经过Queen St。

  但后来想一想,其实生理上的暴露狂又有什么可怕,不花钱就看show boys & show girls也没有什么不好。难以忍受的其实是那些心理暴露狂,也不管人家想不想听,初初见面就对别人讲起自己的一切,小到几岁脱牙,大到和几个男/女人上过床之类。没有人问,这些话题就会自动从他们嘴里迸出来,溅得你满身口水,双耳滴油。实在忍无可忍。

  又有人说,每个写博的人都是暴露狂之类的云云。本来不想说什么,可想得越久越觉无稽。暴露狂和偷窥狂的概念麻烦搞清楚点再发言好么?暴露狂是带有一定强迫性质的,如果在自己家脱衣服洗澡,自然没人说你是暴露狂。一个道理,写博的人写了什么,是没有人强迫你去看的。就像一扇没锁的房门,本来门后面的人说什么做什么都不关别人的事,只是一群老友聊天打趣,而有些人不请自来,自己跑进去偷窥,完了还说别人是暴露狂。简直滑稽。

  但写故事的人是不一样的。用颜歌在《情人顾良城》里的话来说:“每一个试图去叙述一个故事的人都是一个隐私暴露狂,至少是一个含蓄的暴露狂。”因为写故事的人之所以写故事,某种程度上还是希望得到关注,希望故事有人欣赏。而故事的本体不必多说,自然全部都是自己。这就是为什么我最终停止写那些无聊至极的故事,停止剖析自己,开始写blog,开始不再要求理解。既然没有那样的才华,能把自己的本质含蓄而深刻的暴露在阳光空气之中,就乖乖过回闲话家常的平凡生活。然后买来别人含蓄的暴露,对号入座,试图从中挖掘出自己的本质。

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