序:以今天为起点,正式开始回忆与记录。
在香港的时候,保e带我去坐过海渡轮,船在海面上摇摇晃晃,勾起无数往事。
小时候,在武汉只有长江大桥唯一一座过江桥时,需要过江上班的人们通常都更愿意坐渡轮往来于两岸。过年过节时,我们一家去家住汉口的舅舅家走动也需要坐渡轮过江。即使年纪还小,坐船也并不让我觉得害怕,喜欢一个人跑去甲板旁边,攀住船上的铁栏杆往下张望,看船尾在浑浊的江面上拖出一条雪白的尾巴。夏秋的江风吹到脸上潮潮暖暖,冬春时节有股威严的凌厉,偶尔有江鸥缓缓地在江面上盘旋,鸣声如歌似泣。等过了江,小脸蛋红彤彤的,头发上还留着湿漉漉的触感,这些都让我无比兴奋。
大约是因为童年不在母亲身边的时间太久,加上父母的不和,以至我的家庭观念一直淡薄,从小就是孤僻的小孩,胆大心粗、我行我素,即使独来独往也从不畏惧。虽然据母亲说,我从小就是孩子王,无论去那哪里,同龄甚至大一些的孩子都喜欢与我玩。读小学初中高中,一直有许多人主动向我表示友好甚至与我私交甚笃,男女都有,从来都不缺朋友,做什么都有人陪。但不知道为什么,每每回忆童年与少年的时光,记忆所至,依然满目苍凉,仍只能看见自己精神世界的孤独与自闭。
儿时一直住在离江堤不远的地方,学校亦是,所以即使不过江,偶尔我也会在休息时或放学后,独自一人飞快地骑着自行车,迅速穿过人潮与街道,去江堤散步,或在春天自己做风筝拿去放。一待就是一天。
渡口旁原来有几条废弃的旧船泊于岸边,扎了铁锚,再用粗大的铁链绑在竖于江岸的立柱上。船的骨架、座椅与围栏都悉数被人拆走,剩下光秃秃的甲板与绑铁链用的圆柱供人借坐。因停泊的时间太久,船身与铁链浸于水下的部分密密麻麻地长满大约半尺长的绿色水藻,随着水波起伏联翩,像穿着草裙的舞者。走在船上晃晃悠悠,人总是很少,我可以在上面一坐就是半天。即使是亲密的女友,也只有很少知道我有此习惯。
母亲就很少过问我的事情,所以有时候即使有事,也都自然而然地自行解决。幸而多数时候并无后患,即使有,也能很快自己找到了断的办法,因此骨子从小自有种浑然天成的无知而无畏的叛逆气势。这大约也是为什么会敢于17岁就独自飘洋过海去过另一种生活,然后在一个陌生国家的各个城市间四处迁徙,不觉疲倦。
但至今记得,在武汉的冬天,出国前的那几天。我再一次在一个有阳光的下午取了车匙独自去江边静坐。冬日的暖阳照在身上极舒服。那时对出国并非满心期待,毕竟是头次离家出远门,好奇中带稍许胆怯,知道自己并不如想像中那样坚强。那个下午的阳光与波光粼粼的江水给了我无比的勇气与镇定,仿佛漂洋过海也不过如同坐过江渡轮一样,并不可怕,反而可以见到更多的人,遇到更多新奇好玩的事,即使彼岸并不舒适,只要再坐上渡轮回到此岸,人生还是可以平稳地继续。这大约也是后来无论遇到怎样的人,怎样的事,依然可以坦然对待的原因之一。
儿时这种无知而无畏的精神长大以后渐渐转变为知而无畏、随遇而安。早熟而自闭的童年生活,使我获益良多。
After I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get 4 emails with the exact same comment. Perhaps there is a means you are able to remove me from that service? Cheers!
When I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I receive 4 emails with the exact same comment. Is there a means you are able to remove me from that service? Kudos!
After I originally commented I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the exact same comment. There has to be a means you are able to remove me from that service? Kudos!
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