心动

  一个人窝在家里看老片子。一部一部地翻过去。最终停在“心动”。

  是先翻到中间看的。听见她负气地说,分手吧。他说,好,那就分手。要分就分得干干净净,我不要那种拖拖拉拉、不清不楚的。她不看他,说,好啊,你讲的。然后在他走后失声痛哭。

  金城武额前的发丝柔软地垂下来,搭着眼睛,抑郁而英俊,沉默而深情。心底最封闭的记忆突然向我敞开了门。鼻子酸了。

  于是把电影拉回去从头开始看。

  比较值得玩味的一段是,她临上飞机前,他递给她一只木盒子,说,飞机上无聊的时候可以看。她犹疑地打开来。里面有张卡片与相片若干。他在卡片上写“这是我想念你的日子,我把它全送给你”。照片上是一片又一片天空,明亮的,阴沉的,从清晨到黄昏,各式各样。照片的背面写着简短的文字,日期与心情。还有原本贴在他的台灯灯罩上的她少年时的一寸照片,清纯而甜美的笑容。

  其实他一直爱她。那么多年。他在日本,结婚了,又离婚。他说,我就不进去了。却在被她亲吻以后,冲动地回吻她。而她始终没有为他停留。他问她,你什么时候有空嫁给我?然后拿出样式简单的银戒指,放在水杯里,对她说,喝就是答应。不喝就是不答应。

  她不看他。她说,我不喝。语气断然,然而语调缠绵。

  这是很容易想像的,她不愿过他过的那种生活,安定的、平淡的。她说,年轻时不搏,难道要等老了才搏吗?

  只是不知道多年以后看到那盒照片时,她心里是否也有些黯然的悔意。

  陈莉那个角色有很复杂的内心戏。把对小柔的爱,转接到她深爱的男人身上。她爱的女子所爱的男人。她以为自己可以在他身上找到爱人的影子。于是做他的老婆。与他做爱时脸上带着复杂的、厌恶却试图掩饰的表情,捏住枕头的一角。收到小柔寄来的信,对着光看了良久,想知道里面究竟有什么。然后在他看信的时候,坐在门外安静地吸烟。她努力地做个好妻子,只是最终还是放弃。因为她爱的还是小柔。多年后,隔着玻璃橱窗看到小柔,她错愕地转头就走。她不知道该怎么面对她。这是我喜欢的角色。

  其实每个人年轻时都有过这样的失之交臂。所以在看电影时,特别容易被感动。爱情的甜美与脆弱,一览无余。用师太的话来说,我们爱的是一些人,然而在一起的却是另外一些。

229 thoughts on “心动

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