最近被某人彻底恶心到了(特此严正声明:此人并非垃圾孩子,虽然大部分时间只有他在不遗余力地恶心我)。准确地说,我是已经被恶心了良久,但最近几天才出离愤怒。
初识的时候此人又寂寞又哀伤,让人心疼。不知道为什么,现在似乎与彼时有云泥之别,傲慢之中带点自恋,与彼聊天,是件颇让人疲倦的事。又或者此人是越来越讨厌我了,而彼对我的这种厌恶情绪影响了我对彼的看法。
你知道,对于我们喜欢的人,他们无论说什么做什么,在我们看来都是完美,就算不完美,我们也会自动自觉地他们找借口或理由说服自己相信这是完美;反之,对那些我们不喜欢的人,无论他们说什么做什么都是错,都让人讨厌。也许就是因为此人早已把我放在一个令他讨厌的位置上了,所以我说什么做什么都让他不屑一顾。而他的这种不屑一顾又反过来让我深感不安。
因此,当这些文字随着我的手指舞动被打出来时,它们已经脱离了我的思想,拥有了自己的灵魂。更也许,它们的存在仅仅只代表我一时的偏见。但无论如何,此时此刻,我对于我的这种偏见还有种深深的无力感。我无法说服自己消除顾虑打散偏见。
其实我们都是不完美的人,总有这样或那样的缺点。但我实在难以忍受有人总是不停踩低别人,抬高自己。傲慢是种深入骨髓难以治愈的绝症,而且得了这种病的人往往一辈子也难以发觉自己有病,因为在他们自己心目中,自己的地位高高在上,处于其他众人遥不可及的地方。在他们眼中,只有他们自己是完美的,目标明确,理想崇高,而别人都是苟且偷生自私贪婪的蠢货。
其实这些也并非我被恶心的最大原因。但最大原因我不想说,我也说不起,一说就失了水准。我想我没必要为一个自己并不在乎的人蒙受如此损失。
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