放假四周，距开学尚有不到一百天，离回国约有七个月。太阳晒得窗帘发黑，楼下的洋人喜欢放一首每句都带一个fucker的歌，窗外的天空很蓝。不知从何时开始远处山腰上的橙色树林已转为翠绿，郁郁葱葱。阳光透过窗帘间的罅隙漏进房间，细细的一条，直直落下砸得粉碎。我坐在朝北的窗前眺望，仿佛一切都已尘埃落定。
看了很多小说和VCD，在别人都穿着短袖的季节里依然披着棉袄蜗居在自己的房间。开始陷入周期性的懒惰期，没有码字的欲望，数篇开了头就写不下去的小说，看来又会变成历史巨坑。唯一一篇童话，投到榕树某个征童话稿的社区，被推荐，没有点击率；恐惧投到另一社区，被推荐，依然没有点击率。笑，也许我真的不适合写东西，我本不是文人。
读鬼故事，被自己吓得一惊一诈；看喜剧，居然哭得糊涂一塌。一天一餐两天一宿的生活居然没有让我迅速地消瘦下去，反而看起来又多了几两肉。整个星期没有出门，外面的世界已然陌生。近三周未开手机，短信可能已经暴满……不想管。其实不是不想开，只是忘了充电器在哪儿……
下载了N多的Mp3，无论好坏，无论歌手，通通一次性下载下来，无聊时一首接一首的听；在各个BBS串来串去，窝在数字生活灌水灌到全坛第一并暂无被超过的危险……
过来新城市已近一年，实在惊讶于自己还在怀念奥克兰的一切。我本不应是如此放不开的人。我知道，那些快乐都是真的存在过，那些悲伤也从来不假，可是过去了，就真的是过去了。偶尔想念不该想念的某个人，心里怀着一点怅惘，为自己酝酿一点悲伤的情绪，然后在有美食当前的时候将它们抛到九霄云外。久而久之条件反射，饿肚子的时候唠骚也就特别多。心情不好时就写一些离奇的故事，用尽量平淡的语气，总有个倒霉而悲惨的结局，结果被人投诉说我是写女性悲剧的偏执狂。笑。其实自己也搞不懂为什么写出来的总是这样的故事，完全与初衷相背。
室友们每日都在忙里忙外，打工、读暑期班、外出旅游，甚至回奥克兰玩，只有我一个人整天窝在家中独自苍白。所以常常在出去倒水吃东西的时候被他们鄙视：Jo你怎么不出去玩玩？Jo我又好几天都没见到你？Jo你在打工吗？Jo你怎么还在上网？如此一来渐渐变得不敢出去，一次性倒很多很多杯水回房间，饼干面包全拎进来，水果在床头的书架上摆满整整一排……
心血来潮跑去图书馆借书，扎着简单的马尾辫，素着一张脸，穿宽大的灰色方格衬衫和牛仔裤，走整整四条街愣是一个人都没碰上。偶尔与衣着光鲜的男孩女孩们擦肩而过，被他们辛辣的青春气息逼得不能呼吸。再看看我自己，老得就像上上个世纪的木乃伊。其实算算，我也才二十。我想我大概亦属于小青笔下的那某种半身不遂的病患，外半边遂得很，里半边一直不遂。
房间的窗，正对着一片大草坪，一直有很多人来打棒球。远一点还有四个网球场和一个篮球场。楼下的洋人学生一放假就开始疯狂，整天开着巨大的音响放那首每句都带一个fucker的歌。双双对对地出游，车子的排气口往往是改装过的，一启动就发出震耳欲聋的轰鸣。
有女孩子三三两两地从窗前经过，大声笑闹，肆无忌惮地彼此开着玩笑。
我只能无奈地拉紧窗帘，继续独自苍白。
又熬一宿，码这篇字码到清晨六点，刚要躺下，楼下的情侣却如早起的鸟儿一般开始在我窗下拌嘴，其情绪之激动简直让人叹为观止。紧闭窗门依然无用，无奈之下只得放弃了睡觉的打算。吵了半天，女孩子终于哽咽着说，I love you so much.于是窃喜，算准这场闹剧终于近了尾声。声音渐渐落了下去，转身开窗透气瞥到窗下相拥的两个人影，忙移开了视线。呵呵，非礼勿视。
拨拨窗旁的风铃，灿然一笑。其实，这样的生活也未尝不好。有人说，我爱你；有人可以拥在怀里。我的生活是否也曾这样……
天空蓝得不像健康的颜色，这个世界病得不轻，我也是。
写于某个肚子饿得叽哩咕噜家里却已弹尽粮绝的奈何天，伤怀日，抓狂时。
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