七年

  不知道这样算不算是七年之痒。

  在第七年刚过不久的时候,突然觉得对一切厌倦。

  移民申请递上去,然后继续日复一日的工作,却突然在某天醒来觉得这多年所做的一切都很无谓。

  这些年辗转在不同的地市,妈妈甚少过问我与什么样的人交往,正在做着什么样的事情,所为的目的何在。我想,这也许是我的幸运,是她对我的信任。她始终相信我有能力自控。因此更加内疚于自己曾辜负过她的信任。因此不能再容许自己让生活继续放任自流下去。

  在母亲的反复游说下,我心里那杆秤也日渐倾斜,最终失衡。不过,也并不能算是被逼做出选择。我想,任何人在任何有选择余地的情况下做出的决定,都不能算是被迫。这也许是我内心深处潜意识里一直想做却又不敢冒险去做的事。毕竟不是神,不能做到了无牵挂。

  也许一直以来我都是这样一个性格有缺陷的人,总是不能瞻前顾后,照顾自己周全。总是急于证明自己有能力做到任何真心想做的事。所以总是不留后路的放弃手中的一切去追求当时看来毫不现实的东西,最令人烦恼的是,从不以此为耻。

  史努比漫画里,Lucy曾经说过一句话让我惊为天人,她说:“我的内心在建设的欲望与破坏的欲望中破裂了。”

  也许这便是此刻我的写照。

  辞职信一递。就不能回头。

  所以,亲爱的们,我决定回国了。

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