病。

心情糟糕的时候,身体貌似也特别容易受到侵袭。

十点半就上床躺好,辗转到一点还没睡过去。不知是食物中毒还是急性胃炎发作,胃里像被沉重的石头压住,分不出是饱还是饿。

好不容易勉强睡去,梦里又去到那个大庭院,依然绕来绕去,无数的电梯、楼梯,谁也不知道通向哪里,只能随着人潮四处奔走。

在2点的时候大汗淋漓地醒过来,胃像被人拧干的破抹布一样纠结在一起,于是奔去厕所狂吐。然后3点半,5点,如此重复,直到胃里连一点食物的残渣都不剩。又在7点再次醒来,已经什么都吐不出,只想把胃给掏出来慢慢安抚。

可怕的是,无论醒来多少次,梦还是恐怖地连贯着。

好像又进了电影院,周围喧嚣嘈杂,我焦虑地从一个座位换到另一个,一直都是别的电影,要看的那部却始终没有开场。最后还是在在巨大的庭院、电梯与楼梯的迷宫里迷了路……

有一次醒来的时候窗外蒙蒙亮着,摸出手机看时间,然后翻过身,看着从窗帘的罅隙里漏进来洒在天花板上的点点光亮,觉得心慢慢沉下去。又沉到无边地黑暗里去。只能闭上眼睛,再度睡去,不愿醒来,不要醒来。

572 thoughts on “病。

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