Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

  昨晚回到CC家就直接上床躺下了,可是久久不能入睡。心情不很好,昨天被某废人的某句废话大大地打击了。十二点左右勉强睡着了,结果做了一个既悲伤又搞笑的梦,几乎是立刻转醒,窗帘还是黑的。我躺在床上瞪着天花板将那个梦又想了一遍。是很无厘头的梦,梦见这场分手是由于他的出轨,只不过那个出轨对象也太匪夷所思了,完全是八杆子打不着的人物。所以梦醒了以后觉得特别有喜剧效果。看来,潜意识里还是不愿意相信这痛苦是由自己的错误造成,宁愿是他喜欢上别人了。不知道什么时候才能拾回那点可怜巴巴的自信,重新投入生活。

  想了很久也不能再睡,索性翻身坐起来,摸出手机一看,才五点一刻。估摸着,醒的时候大约是四点左右吧。于是披了衣服出去抽烟。山上的路灯蜿蜒盘旋,风很大,天上有淡淡的薄云,星星明明昧昧地闪动着,看起来很美。

  仔细想想,可能是因为CC睡着时把手搭在我胸口了,所以才会做那样无厘头的梦。我回到房间,摸黑喝了口水,背对着她躺下。她在梦里翻个身,手搭上我的腰,头抵在我后肩的锁骨间,呼吸均匀,偶尔磨两下牙,睡得像只小猫。最后一次看时间是六点半左右,然后侧过身迷迷糊糊地睡过去了。

  很多人看了13号的blog以后都对我说自己是拉拉一事耿耿于怀。不过昨晚我终于肯定,我绝不是拉拉,因为只有安心的感觉,没有欲望,哈哈哈。不过我还是比较心疼女人。大约是物伤其类的关系。

  飞和保e最近都不太开心。圈那边更是烦恼不断。我很担心。可惜我自己也是焦头烂额。还好小悠上了N多睿睿的照片,我一天过去看N次。每次看到她都会不由自主地轻哼那首《童》,“你带著一身光辉,照亮我心底的漆黑;给我全世界的玫瑰,还是结冰的眼泪;我其实无路可退,谁让你就是我的宝贝。”她不是我的宝贝,是小悠的。她是我的天使。

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